Instant Gratification

So my new year's resolution was a bust. Hampas sungguh resolusi itu untuk membelog setiap minggu. What's new. Hey you know, I thought I wrote somewhere about what my ideal weight was, but I couldn't find it. Before I got pregnant with Aisha, I was what 65, 66 kilos? Yeah, a bit overweight, but was still in a suitable BMI range as borderline as it was. My maximum weight, days before I gave birth was 80 kilos, and 40 days postpartum I'd gone back to 65, 66 kilos.

My weight happily stayed there. I jogged, I exercised, I tried to diet. A few weeks ago I noticed that my work slacks were a bit loose that I had to wear a belt. At lunch I ate half a portion of rice, focusing more on vegetables and protein. I drank lots of air kosong, especially before lunch time, because I'm still pumping milk. Aku berpendapat bahawa badan aku harus biasakan diri menghasilkan susu dengan kadar makanan separuh yang aku makan, agar kelak tiada masalah penghasilan susu jika aku tetiba nak diet. Panjang inner conflict aku ni, ni summary saja.

So today I decided to weigh myself. Lama dah tak timbang berat, kerana balik-balik melihat angka yang sama, diri menjadi sedikit bosan dan stress. Hee hee berat aku kini 61 kilo. I lost 4 kilos tanpa disedari dan ini membuat aku terasa sangat best. Yeah 61 is still heavy, but a loss is still a loss no matter how little it is, so mari memotivasikan diri sendiri! Nak turun ke 55 kilo boleh tak? Tapi pasal terasa diri dah kurus, terus aku minum coke hampir habis sebotol besar. Instant gratification sungguh. Tiada disiplin. Semoga aku insaf dan sambung makan yang sihat sihat saja sehingga selamanya.

Oh God, teruk betul bahasa dan isi post ini. I wanted to do some work but found out I couldn't. I should go to sleep now because I feel delirious. Minum coke dulu segelas hee hee.

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