Puasa - Day 11

Hahaha just came back from buka puasa with friends at Alif's. What a long night! Delicious food, delightful company, well behaved child(ren). Ahh.. I wish all buka puasa sessions are like this. Alhamdulillah. Anies and Mar couldn't make it. Anies ada sesi berbuka puasa bersama bakal mertua. Mar's kid Iskandar has hand foot mouth disease. Hope he gets well soon!

Tomorrow is another day out for us, this time with my sisters hosted by Kak Peachy. Next week it shall be at our place pulak. Yay!

I need to get massaged tomorrow.

I don't blame myself, so whoever blames me can just go to hell

Who's got time to read? Because I've got time to write. Lots of time, so expect a long (and long winded) post.

So. When we went for a scan at my 8th week, the doctor couldn't detect any heartbeat, and the baby measured up to be only 6 weeks old. Then I started spotting, Little at first, then a bit more on Saturday (at Dayang's house warming). I was a bit concerned by then, and when we went see the doctor again that night, I was referred to a specialist. I suppose from the moment the second line appeared on the UPT, I was a bit apprehensive. Firstly because I had been training for the run since months before, and I ran the morning the test came out positive. Secondly was because we had actually put on hold our plans to get pregnant.

Anyway, on Monday we went to Putrajaya Hospital and true enough, the baby was gone. I had come to terms with my loss by then. I didn't think running was to blame. But having said that, if I were to know I was pregnant before I ran, I probably wouldn't have. The doctor didn't know what caused the miscarriage, but said that sometimes the baby just wasn't strong enough to develop. We accepted that explanation. I was sent home and an appointment was set 2 weeks later for a D&C.

Then early Friday morning (the same week), I awoke at 3.30 a.m to a bed wet with my blood. I had worn a pad that night and so I was surprised to see so much blood coming out. Like I said, I consider myself lucky. If I didn't already know I had miscarried, I probably would have screamed my head off or became really traumatized. The blood was lumpy (? I meant beeketul-ketul), it even looked like pardon me hati lembu. It was that huge, that piece of lumpy blood. About 10cm x 5cm x say 3cm thick. That's the biggest piece. There were several smaller pieces. I got so light headed I couldn't stand up. But Alhamdulillah, I didn't suffer from any cramps. In short, it was painless. The blood just flowed out. I just took a glance at the mess on the toilet floor and went to lie down in front.

I couldn't look at what I had passed, because I was scared at what I might find. It was just so heart breaking.

We waited until morning to go to the hospital, after we dropped Emma off at Opah's.

Had the D&C done at 4.30 pm, and I was warded for one night. The D stands for dilation, which means enlarging. Curettage (the C) means scraping. Together, this procedure involves expanding or enlarging the entrance of a woman's uterus so that a thin, sharp instrument can scrape or suction away the lining of the uterus and take tissue samples. I apparently had an incomplete miscarriage whereby 'expulsion of some, but not all, of the products of conception before the twentieth week of pregnancy. With incomplete miscarriage, the bleeding is heavier, and abdominal pain is almost always present. The mouth of the womb is open, and the pregnancy is being expelled. Ultrasound would show some material still remaining in the womb.'

I don't blame myself, so whoever blames me can just go to hell.

It was generally painless because of the general anesthesia given. Post op was also relatively OK for me, didn't experience any stomach cramps or back pain. I did however end up with a swollen lower right lip and ulcers and a swollen (I think) lelangit.

Jadi, saya sedang berpantang di rumah dan berehat kerana mendapat 8 hari cuti sakit sehingga Jumaat ini.

Another story to tell is about Zufri's experience taking care of Emma for one whole day. I was worried he couldn't cope or that Emma wouldn't sleep. But Alhamdulillah, she did ask for me for the first few hours she came home. But after that she seemed fine, according to Zufri. They were lying down watching the telly when Emma said she was hungry and wanted rice. So at 9.30pm, they went to Aladdin. Diaper change wasn't a struggle or a contest with Zufri. With me I always had to entertain her and trick her and all that. With her father, she went willingly. Sleep time was also pleasant. See. Boleh aje dia tido tanpa menyusu. I should really clean her room up soon so she can learn to sleep on her own.

And tonight is already Ramadhan. Sayangnya tak dapat ke masjid 1st night of Ramadhan. InsyaAllah there'll be many more days this holy month.

Selamat berpuasa kepada semua.

Naruto

I'm waiting for my cookies to bake. At 2:34 am!

Dulu amek gambar ok je posing macam ni, walaupun sedikit over.

Sepatutnya posing ala Naruto complete dengan kekuda.

Sikit-sikit, dia jadi lagi over.

Tak nampak macam Naruto sangat.

(Abaikan background tu tau. Haha)

Kemudian semakin over.

Lengkap dengan mata kenyit dan kepala senget.

Pose masih seperti pembuka silat.

Last sekali jadi gila over OK.

Nampak macam rabbit jek?

Going to watch a Sesame Street Musical in September. Time bulan puasa, OK. Dah beli tiket, together with Syahirah. Emma baby, consider this your second birthday present eh? Hehe. This year no party for you lah. This year we celebrate just with family, kay?

Time To Talk About The Run

Lets talk about last Sunday. The ambience was OK, not as fun and upbeat as I thought it would be. Maybe I was just stressed about trying to get a good time, I dunno. The run started just as jam gadang di Dataran Merdeka berdetik 7 kali. Not bad lah. I tried pacing myself, running as I would during training. The last few days before the run, I didn’t train. Partly because I didn’t want to strain myself, and partly pasal mak tak larat dah nyah nak training.

Sekali, at the 5th kilometer (at the first drinking station), I stopped for a drink (actually two, hehe) and that’s where it went downhill. Bukan jalan tu turun bukit, prestasi larian mak merudum. Lepas tu jogging sikit, jalan banyak. Jogging sikit, jalan banyak. Gila gua pressure time tu, tapi belah kanan perut rasa macam senak. Lari jugak kang ada yang pecah perut. Tension gila. Siap jalan tepuk-tepuk tangan kuat-kuat nak bagi semangat pada diri sendiri. Adalah semangat sikit dan start running again, but then we reached the hill next to Bird Park. MashaAllah. Sangatlah jauh perjalanan naik bukit tu. Pressure lagi.

Then up the hill, I gained some strength to start running again. I was doing some good time I think, sekali sampai 2nd drinking station. Cheh. Start minum balik ni, memang payah la nak start lari balik. Started running again at DBKL.

Over at Nagoya, a man passed me by and said, “You’re doing good, keep it up!”. Pergh, terus mak semangat. I passed the finishing line after 1 hour, 30 minutes and 45 seconds, but that’s my time for 10.383km (since the run was for that distance) but my official time for 10k is 1 hour 29 minutes 58 seconds. Kekekeke. 2 seconds later, I wouldn’t get my finisher’s medal. I’m finisher number 1300++. Keji betul.

Alhamdulillah. Kak Peachy’s time was 1 hour 16 minutes (no ranking because she was running for a cause, bless her) and Papa’s 1 hour 3 minutes (400++. Dahsyat orang tua ni, hehehe. All the time he thought he was in the top 100, kekeke). Very impressed with their times, very jealous also, but training for my next 10k would have to wait at least 9 months. They are even talking about entering the Penang Bridge Run at the end of the year. I might enter a 3km fun run kot, tak larat jalan je lah kan?

But apart from the good things, a not so good thing happened during the run.

Ya Allah. I’m sure you’ve read about the 10k runner who collapsed and died during the run? Ya Allah, how do I start? I was across the road, nearer to DBKL side. He was on the pavement on the other side. I saw a commotion. I thought there was a fight, maybe some runners tried to take a shortcut or something.

Then I heard a man scream “Panggil medic la wei!”, and I saw a man, an official of some sort walking towards Dataran. That’s right. WALKING. And that was around 8:20 (give or take a few minutes). So reports that said an ambulance reached the scene at 8:10? That’s stretching the truth.

I stopped for a while across the road; saw what I thought to be a man having a seizure, registered in my mind that there already was a crowd surrounding him, why add in robbing this man of some well needed oxygen? So yeah. I continued running. I wish I hadn’t. For that man, Weiji? He’s my colleague. He’s a very fine young man. He truly was.

My last words to him was, see you at the finish line. His was, haha, I takut I pengsan halfway, tak dapat habis.

Brings fresh tears to my eyes each time I think about it.

Rest in peace, babe. See you at the finish line.

(Or maybe not)

Potty Training

Went to Emma's check up this morning. By 9 I was done. Not bad.

The nurse said, "Eh, pakai pampers lagi?"

Eh? Apakah maksudnya?

"Mak tolong ajar anak kencing sendiri ya, nanti dia tak reti"

Yelah, memang aku telah melengah-lengahkan hal ini. Baik. Harus training segera!